Unica's Japanese Page - The zen garden fool

The Zen garden fool

Kyoto

When I'm in a Zen garden, I feel like in a dream, everything disappears, I see myself floating to a restaurant to eat some great steak. But quickly I wake up to discover I'm still near that little stones.

When I'm in a Zen garden, I'd like to understand the Zen spirit, the meaning and the power. But it seems impossible to me. So I start to singing with my loudest voice some old nasty song, may seems impolite, but it is just a way to ask help.

When I'm neat a Zen garden, the Zen garden is near me.
When I leave, it doesn't follow me. It's a garden, not a dog.

In a Zen garden I always curse every single little stone.
I don't care too much about it, but I hope they will learn the lesson.

In the Zen garden I spend my time with the tourists, and everybody look at me and touch me, they always love me. They say "what a nice cat lives here in the temple!"

To be in front of a Zen garden is like to be in front of a mirrorrorrim a fo tnorf ni eb ot ekil si nedrag nez a fo tnorf ni eb oT

Near the Zen garden is great, I feel no pain and I rest so well, it is like to be in harmony with the nature, to be part of it. May be it's the same for the other people of the cemetery.

Zen gardens are not so great as television, so when I go to the temple I always try to make the gardens more interesting, drawing some celebrities face on it. Sometime people give me money for it.

I can believe it! I'd really like to see the famous Zen gardens, but I am really unlucky. Every time I try to see one of them, it is always full of stones, without grass of flowers.
What is the best season to visit these gardens? Please help me.

One night I decided to make my own Zen garden. But I had no money for a rake, so I choose to do it with my comb. A friend of mine laughed at me and he told me that I need a rake to do it. But I strongly wanted to have my own Zen garden so I went to the beach and with my comb I made it, and it was a wonderful. But my friend saw it and he said that my garden was ugly and nothing to do withen. I made him eat my comb and a lot of sand. My friend insisted: that for sure was not Zen from me. Now I understand I needed more study, but at that time I was a fool, and I also lost my comb.

"Think Zen" my master said "and the garden path will follow".
I thought Zen. And now you can read a big "ZEN" in my Zen garden.

"Think Zen for long enough" my master said "and the garden path will follow".
Zeeeeeeeen! I screamed, Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
My master threw himself into the river.

"A Zen garden should be like a stone pillow" my master said "and you are the dreamer".
My master is old and poor, he never had the money for a real pillow, how pity.

"You can't be so fool" my master said "to try again to learn what you can't! You are hopeless, go away from here".
"You are not very Zen, master, now come to see how I changed again the garden for you". He tried to kill me making me eat every stone.

I went again to the temple.
"Master, I need to learn the essence and the harmony of the Zen garden"
"No way" he said "we cant accept a fool like you"
"So at least, feed my dog when I'm on holiday. Here are the keys of the apartment. He needs always fresh water, and by the way, the plants too".

One night I made a strange dream. I was sitting in the middle of a Zen garden, when a wonderful woman came form the temple saying: "You'd better go out of there quickly". But just in that moment I became very small like a mouse, a boat magically appeared near me. With the boat I sailed the garden and I travelled across all the stone waves for many days. I was so happy and I feel like I caught the spirit of Zen at last. But when I was near my personal nirvana, again than voice said something that destroyed my Zen path to Harmony: "Wake up, drunken idiot and get out of the garden".
To escape from her I leaved the boat and I started to swim in the stone sea, as fast as possible.
The day after my master punished me because I drank all sake and I went in the Zen garden trying to swim, ruining it.
Even if I tried to talk to him about my great travel to the Zen spirit, he was too greed and fool to listen to me.

"Think Zen when you work" my master said "and your job will become a Zen activity".
"Master, you never worked in all your life, how do you know such things?"
My master said "It's Zen, son, Zen"
A week later I found the master and my wife having sex. My master said "It's sex and Zen, son, a Zen activity".
It's no funny to say what I made him, because it was not Zen.

One day I get sick and tired about all the Zen gardens and the Zen masters and Zen stuff in general. But my master said "You can run away, but you can't escape" "Why?" I said "Because the Zen spirit is inside me?" "Absolutely not. There is nothing Zen in you even if you spent the last 10 years studying Zen. You are a complete failure. The only thing you are good at is eating, fat pig!"
"So why?"
"It's lunch time, let's talk after eating"
"I agree".

I made it, my Zen garden is complete. Now I need only the stones.

"Sprit of my Master" I evoked "I killed you for having sex with my wife. Now I call you from the hell to ask for your help. Since you died, I can't have sex with my wife without a terrible feeling, something is wrong. Please forgive me for having made what I made to you. I assure I picked up all the pieces of your body for your funeral. Please rise from hell and teach me about Sen and Zex". After a Zen human sacrifice the spirit of my Master appeared, he was pretty angry: "You, fool as always, probably you mean 'sex and Zen' " "Oh!! You are right as always master" "What about your wife?" "She's waiting a baby". "This is very Zen, son, very Zen".

I gave a name to all my stones in the Zen garden. The last one was the most difficult. He didn't want to be called "Tonka" like the other 30,000. So, I chose "Pluteria" for him. It's was a mistake to agree with his request: after that day I get always confused with all those names, and the 30,000 Tonkas often blamed me for calling them Pluteria.

One day, I spent two hours watching a wonderful Zen garden. I was walking when I saw this garden on the other side of a fence. It was nice, very nice. Its strong point was simplicity: it had only a large rock in the middle and a wonderful girl sitting on it reading a magazine. My master said he saw two girls in the same garden some weeks ago. But he is a master, how can I compare me with his wisdom?

Fool: a person who behaves in a silly way without thinking. Like me.

Zen: a form of Buddhism which developed in Japan and which emphasizes that religious knowledge is achieved through emptying the mind of thoughts and giving attention to only one thing, rather than by reading religious writings. My mind is already empty of thoughts, so am I a very Zen person?

Garden: piece of land next to and belonging to a house, where flowers and other plants are grown, and often containing an area of grass.This kind of garden is a standard garden, so it makes you think, pretty scaring.